I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while, but it just hasn’t been a great week for me. Mock exams are nearing, and it feels like everything that’s ever bothered me in the past is suddenly attacking me all at once. I’ve had worrying thoughts a lot on a daily basis in the past, and recently, I’ve felt myself withdrawing from my friends, sport, and a lot of things I enjoy doing. But when these thoughts manifest into physical feelings, it’s a whole different story.
Anxiety is something I wouldn’t ever wish on anyone, no matter what they’ve done to me. It makes you feel like you have absolutely no control over YOUR OWN body, and never ever lets you rest. I stay up at night thinking about everything I still have to do, and why I can’t ever seem to be happy. It’s physically exhausting and having to go to school every day around peers and teachers who don’t understand makes it just that much worse.
Despite everything that is going on, I have a lot to be grateful for. A surprising amount of people have asked if they can do anything to help, and even though I can’t explain everything I’m feeling all that well, there’s been people who have been here for me to listen. I’ve realised that there’s always going to be people who don’t understand, but if you look hard enough, there are people who truly care, and will be willing to do all the research out there to help you get through it, even if they don’t initially quite understand.
I’ve talked to a teacher of mine every day for over a week now, and I honestly don’t know what I would ever do without him. He understands and walks through things with me in a way that gives me hope. He tells me the right things at the right times, and no matter what, I know I can go to him to talk things through. Although I only have him for class twice a week, he’s let me know that I can come find him whenever, even if I’m supposed to be in class, or he’s teaching one. So often, it feels like I’m fighting this battle alone, but that’s so so far from the truth. Between us, it’s a fight we’re battling TOGETHER. It’s honestly been a crap week full of out of the blue anxiety attacks but in times like this its so important to stay grateful for the people you DO have, instead of worrying about those who fear to approach you.
If any of you struggle with similar issues and haven’t found someone you trust to talk to, I just want to say that I’m ALWAYS here. It doesn’t matter if this is the first post of mine you’ve read because it doesn’t make a difference. If we can’t be here for each other when we need it the most, what is the point?
Anxiety can take so many different forms, and what works really depends on each individual, but one thing that’s really stood out to me has been the idea of thinking, “Will everything I’m worried about matter in a couple days, weeks, months or years?” And if you’re like me, and don’t always know what triggers sudden surges of anxiety, know that you’re NOT alone. It will NOT last forever, and you CAN do something about it, even if you can’t always fight the physical feelings. There’s always something we can do. It may not solve everything, but each small step makes a whole lot of a difference. Trust me.
Sending my love 🙂