Not Knowing

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Not knowing is the most frustrating thing. Not being able to understand yourself and why you feel a certain way makes you feel trapped. I feel as though I am constantly trapped in a cycle. I feel a certain way, I overthink things, I feel like I have too much on my mind, and then I feel more things I don’t understand.

There’s so much I want to say but so much of it, I can’t put into words.

I’m frustrated because people around me get upset, but it doesn’t take much to convince them that things are going to be okay. But as I say all these comforting things to others, I can’t convince myself of all these things.

When I feel like I just need a good cry, it’s never about just one thing that happened that day. I can normally never tell why I feel the way I do on that particular day. When I feel that sinking feeling inside of me, I feel fear, because it only feels like things are only ever going to get harder.

I don’t really know what the point of this post is, but I guess it’s about wanting to feel heard. I’ve begun isolating myself when I need the support the most, but I just can’t help myself. I feel like I don’t deserve to feel the way I do when so many others have gone through so much. I feel like my friends would much rather pretend to not notice than asking me about it.

I just really need someone to tell me that it gets better. That’s all I’m asking for.

Sending my love 🙂

xx

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