So it’s been a while since I last posted. The last time I posted I had just come back from my school trip, and let me tell you, I got more out of that trip that I ever would have imagined. Basically, there are two campuses of the same school in my city, and the school trip was a joint trip between both campuses. During the trip, I met a guy. It really wasn’t very glamorous, because we spent a week without showers, and constantly smelt like the sea. But somehow, he saw something in me, and somehow, word got round to me that he thought I was “fit”. Obviously, there are two very different meanings to the word “fit”, and I guess even though everyone jokingly teased him that he meant he was into me and was attracted to me, people assumed he wasn’t really. Well, I had to act like I was all cool with it and it meant nothing really, but in all honesty, I had to resist the urge to just ask him how he really felt.
I’m not a social butterfly in anyway whatsoever, but the thing is, he’s friends with all the “populars”. I know it shouldn’t mean anything at all, but it makes a hell of a big difference. He’s nice, funny, athletic, and kind of quiet, which is what confuses me the most. It never occurred to me that people like him could be friends with people I’ve always looked down on. Yet, I found myself acquiring an interest and wanting to get to know him better.
So long story short, we started talking after the trip, and turns out he’s into me too and wants to get to know me as “more than friends”. For someone with zero experience with this stuff whatsoever, things happened really quickly, and now I’ve somehow ended up with a date planned this Friday to a pretty nice Italian restaurant. SO WHAT DO I DO?
I know I should be excited, but I’m scared out of my skin. He’s a lot more experienced than me, and I don’t know how much he wants from me. I just feel like I’m WAY out of my depth.
If any of you have any advice on first dates and stuff like that PLEASE leave a comment.
Okay, so you’re probably now wondering: heart dissections?!
Yeah, you read that right. Today in Biology class, we did a sheep heart dissection. Let’s just say it ruined my day. It wasn’t my first dissection, and I’ve never been overly squirmish, although surgical videos and bio videos, in general, have always made me turn away. But today I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. At the beginning of the lesson, my teacher told the class that if anyone wanted to step out it was alright, and he didn’t want anyone fainting in class. I’ve never fainted in my life, and so I don’t really know what it feels like, but I think I came real close to experiencing it today.
My heart beat first started racing, and then my breath felt shallow, and I couldn’t stop picking at the pair of latex gloves that sat in my lap. The sight of the blood and people sticking their fingers into the ventricals and all that just made me want to puke. My skin turned hot, and I just didn’t know what was happening. Quickly, my teacher realised I wasn’t doing too well, and offered for me to go outside, but I refused. It felt like I was declaring defeat. So the entire lesson, I sat there staring at the ground, ripping apart at the latex gloves, and trying to keep breathing. Looks of pity were sent my way, and it was just an overall shit lesson.
What I don’t understand is why I’ve suddenly seemingly developed a phobia of blood and organs. The rest of the day, my heart just felt heavy, and I felt the overwhelming urge to just break into tears. The most frustrating thing is, I don’t know why.
I hope all of you reading this have had a better day, and I would really appreciate if you could give me some advice on all of this.
Sending my love 🙂