So where do I start? I’m just frustrated out of my mind just thinking about these five words, but these are words that came out of my friend’s mouth when we were talking about a girl I used to be friends with. Just for the sake of this post, let’s call her Kara. Honestly, I have no idea what Kara is going through, but I’ve noticed for quite a while that she hasn’t been happy. I know because that feeling is no stranger to me. I recognize the empty glare. I swallow hard every time I recognize that sad empty smile I know I give others sometimes. But the thing is, I just CANNOT deal with this girl. I see her every day, and she sits across me at the lunch table, but she manages to irritate me in every way possible. Everyone seems to think that I like her, and when people find out that I don’t, they tell me “but you’re so nice to her”.
I’m writing a blog post on this because I want to know, am I a horrible person for not asking her about how she’s feeling? We all have people we just can’t stand, and for me, Kara’s one of them. It’s no secret that she goes to the counselor often, and it kills me everytime someone says something like “is she depressed or something?”. Yet, I say nothing about it. I just stop talking and resist the urge to storm off to be alone. The girl’s not popular, but it scares me to think how many people have pretended to be her friend, INCLUDING me. Every time these thoughts pass through my head, I feel guiltier and like I’m less of a human. I feel like a hypocrite, because I am. I know I don’t want to be friends with her, but why can’t I bring myself to stick up for her? I can’t imagine what its like to have all those insensitive and uneducated things said about me behind my back, but I also don’t know what to do. I know this post is a little short and isn’t all glamorous, but when I started this blog, I promised to tell the truth. I promised myself that no matter how ugly, I would be honest. I told myself that if I can’t be honest about myself and my experiences anonymously, I will never be able to sort through my thoughts. I really hope I haven’t disappointed you guys, but I really need some advice because I can’t live every day like this. I can’t stand up for something online and not stand up for someone when they truly need it the most.
Please please comment below.
Sending my love 🙂