So today I’m happy to report that I had a pretty great day. Despite it being a Monday and having the flu that everyone at school seems to have right now, I felt happy. I think it helped that my first class was the one class I wouldn’t give up for anything: Enterprise. I’m not going to give a boring course overview or anything, but I thought you should know that I go to an International School, take IGCSE, and am interested in starting a social enterprise of some kind in the future. The teacher is great, and even though I often feel drained on a Monday morning just thinking about the week I have ahead of me, I always walk out of first block feeling happier. But most days, my mood rapidly goes downhill from there, and it’s definitely not just because it’s a Monday. I know that if I allow myself to feel pride and accomplished, I feel happy. So I guess it was a combination of being praised in my first class, getting a pretty good grade on my English essay, and getting through a pretty really intense track session were the things that made me feel better about myself today. Anyways, I just wanted to keep note of this so I could look back and remember the days I felt good, and remind myself that life isn’t always so bad.
Now, back to Sunday. I really love Basketball, and even when I’ve felt horrible, I’ve always loved playing Basketball. Yesterday, I was thinking a lot about this, and I know a part of me was afraid that Basketball would also be taken away from me. And so what happened at the game kind of broke me. I made quite a few shots in the first quarter and then missed five or six wide open layups after that. Even if that means nothing to you, it sure as hell meant a whole lot to me. Fear started to kick in, and my hands started vaguely trembling. At every Time Out, my coach assured me “it’s just a mental block”. Thing is, it wasn’t assuring AT ALL. All I could think was that if he knew what was going on in my head, those words wouldn’t have passed through his lips. Every missed layup felt like a punch in the stomach, and even though our team ended up winning the game, I was incredibly disappointed in myself. Thinking back on it a couple hours later, I realised that I’ve walked away from pretty big losses feeling better because even though Basketball is a team sport, for me, working hard at it has always been something that could make me feel accomplished. But yesterday, I let the voices in my head get to me. I was on the verge of running out of the gym and locking myself in a toilet cubicle. It scares me to think about how close I was to declaring defeat. In the heat of the moment, it felt like nothing in the world was going right. But the truth is, it was just a Basketball game. Life is tough, but we can’t let all the little things get to us. If only we could remember such words when we really need them.
I congratulate you if you read the entire post, because I must apologize, it must have been quite a boring one. Here’s a little question to ponder on and perhaps you could answer it in the comments below: What would you do if someone told you all you had to do was get past your “mental block”?
Sending my love 🙂